Mixtape

At one of our recent drunken house parties (yes plural, we're Cool) I decided to bring down Queen: Greatest Hits.


_{They're all so beautiful. I shotgun Roger though.}

Now, if you're not aware (somehow), that's the greatest album ever compiled. I've personally owned three CD copies and one tape copy of it (I used to have a portable CD player that liked scratching CDs whilst whirring away in my pocket). Naturally every other part of the party (poker, drinking games, and on) was completely abandoned in favour of everyone in the room singing and dancing along to the music.

Once the album was over, it was time to grab my iPod and search for any songs that could possibly compete. We found a few...but I thought to be safe, I'd compile a mixtape of songs that could have a similar affect.

Now, you may think I got a bit carried away, but it turns out there are 650 such songs - which meant my mixtape turned into four mp3 CDs. Totally worth it though.


_{Does this apply to CDs?}

The problem now, however, is that I just sit in my room and listen to the mixtape all day and sing and dance along. I don't get anything at all done and it's getting quite worrying. It's a like a descent into drug addiction, but with better music..



Xx

Obamashot

The conscientious folks over at Twitter decided to set up a special area of their site, Election 2008, to gather up-to-the-second opinions on the American election - including some big debate that's apparently going on tonight between all the major candidates.

The conscientious folks over at The Internet decided to take that area of the site, and use it to talk about the things they find most important about the American presidential election.

As such, the hottest topics on Election 2008 right now are...election drinking games.

Obamashot
Drink one shot every time Barrack Obama says the word 'change'.

McCainshot
Drink one shot every time John McCain says the word 'my friends'.

It's going to be a messy night in many, many American households. I bet the electoral debate will have record viewing figures amongst students though.

Boogie Wonderland

I quite like dancing, and I quite like the 70's. Specifically, John Travolta, The Trammps, Earth Wind & Fire, The Bee-Gees and (some of) the dress sense. Clearly, therefore, a night out at Flares is a good idea.

The music was mostly good, and the dancefloor packed at all times. Well, except when one of my favourite songs came on, of course:



No, I'm not available for marriage proposals. However big the dowry.

Me^6 & Back To The Future Drinking Games

I'm 22 years old...aaah! I did, however, have an awesome birthday to make up for this scary fact - and it started off with a bit of dress-up. Now, some people like to have fancy dress themes for their parties, and may choose 'rave' or 'western' or '90s' or something boring and impersonal like that. People will then pop out to a fancy dress shop, grab some tacky mass-produced rubbish and spent the night looking a fool.

Not at my party.

Hours of effort went into making wonderful masks featuring the star of the night, so everyone could revel in the joy of looking this beautiful, albeit just for one night, and just above the neck. Naturally, I understand that you'll want to do the same next time you have a special occasion, and have created a guide to creating your own Ina Mask


_{After much deliberation, it was decided I probably didn't need a mask of my own}

You may think that, being vain, I'd have been in my element surrounded entirely by people wearing my face - but I should point out that it was a profoundly disturbing experience, and one I'm not sure I'd recommend. I'm used to seeing other people's faces walking around, on top of bodies...I'm not used to seeing my own. Times six. With dark holes where the eyes should have been.


_{The looks we got walking down the road were priceless}

We went out for curry like that, and had some great fun with the proprietor of the establishment (though I did worry he'd think we were going to rob the place). The next morning we decided to hang up the masks around the place, as well as putting the copies of the photo that didn't make it onto a mask up. The entire place now has a very Orwellian feel to it, with my face watching you wherever you go.

The whole thing's doing wonders for fuelling my dreams of being a fascist dictator. One that dresses like a hippy. Reconcile that one sociologists.


_{I'm thinking of starting an entire range of branded accessories}

Once this was all over, it was time to watch Back To The Future, with drinking games. I'm afraid I've lost our exact rules, but here's a close approximation of what to do when you hear certain things:

Marty - Play air guitar - last one to play (or least rocking out) drinks.
Doc - Girls drink.
McFly - Everyone shout 'Great Scott!'
Great Scott! - Boys drink.
1.21 Gigawatts - Shark attack - anyone touching the floor drinks.
88mph - Surf's up - anyone not touching the floor drinks.

There were some more, but I forget them - one is possibly related to the other. Great night, having your own version of it is highly recommended.

--

Remember - if you want your own Ina Mask, I've created a guide to producing your own. Enjoy, send me pictures.

Gatecrashing and other Parisienne Adventures

I hate to disillusion anyone, but my recent trip to Paris wasn't entirely spent sitting in a corner of a room writing, writing and writing about the United Nations Education Leaders' Forum that was going on in front of me.


_{Real time analysis, research and inventive writing requires concentration...and silly faces}

There was also a 'networking' aspect to the proceedings, which in the first instance required me to visit a lovely restaurant that was located on the first floor of the Eiffel Tower. Unfortunately, once I'd gotten up this high, and consuming a certain amount of champagne, I was seemingly unable to persuade those I was with that yes - I really didn't like heights, and no - I really didn't want to go on top of the tower.


_{The rave lighting's even better when you're actually on the tower}

Once the conference was over, we decided to stick around and gatecrash a party for the Imagine Cup (a bit more on that in another post methinks) that Microsoft were throwing simultaneously in Paris. We popped into the awards ceremony, which - as you can see, was a bit more chaotic than the ordered UN meeting of ministers and the like:


_{The Brazilians were so much fun during this chaos}

The awards were given out by a range of minor celebrities, each with their own unintentional level of comedy. From the professional snowboarder who was very clearly ill at ease with public speaking (or numeracy, telling the first place team they'd won third...) to the French cabinet minister with the translator from a student party.

This particularly serious politician had to give his speech in French, as government policy dictated. The translator, who'd been with students all week decided to add a level of 'pep' to his talk, by rephrasing half his sentences and adding in her own little bits (even referring to herself in the third person a fair few times) whenever she thought it might be amusing. Given that the minister probably spoke flawless English, I dread to think what happened afterwards...

Later that evening, there was a party for the ~400 students and Microsoft staff that had made up the finals of the Imagine Cup, and worked hard all year (and especially hard all week) for the privilege of an open bar with good music and great food, all in a trendy little club underneath the Seine. Quite noticeably not on the guest list was...me - but little things like that shouldn't spoil the night.

After talking my way past the first two 'layers' of security outside the club, I arrived at the reception desk - which had yet more security folks with lists in front of it. A quick complaint about the poor listing system, and the hold up from the first two sets of security and I had a blue armband, which apparently was some form of party ID meaning 'let this guy in' - gatecrashing with style.

The party was great, all the people I met over the few days were great, the two hours of sleep before my flight was not great and when can I go back to Paris please? :)

Week's drinking in Newquay

A couple of weeks ago I headed off to Newquay for Summer Break, hosted by the events company Outgoing.

For the uninitiated; Summer Break is a week long beach party for > 5,000 students. A couple of large holiday parks with tents and caravans are booked out and a horde of students descends upon the frightened local residents of Newquay.


_{With so many people around, it was easy to make friends}

The days are spent on the beach - with plenty of organised entertainment there (blindfold sack racing and the bikini contest stand out as a couple of highlights). The nights are spent in one of the handful of local clubs taken over by Summer Break, with a few big name DJ acts providing the music and a lot of very drunken students providing the atmosphere.


_{The nights out were themed. I believe this one was 'drunk student' night}

I've been busy since getting back, and have neglected to blog about the various fun and events that I did recollect, and as such have only hazy memories of the entire gig even existing. So, you'll have to make do with the pictures scattered throughout this post and the following excerpts from my Twitter feed at the time.

Off to a good start..
packing - 5.40am start tomorrow :( 11:11 PM June 07, 2008 from web

off to Newquay! 05:55 AM June 08, 2008 from txt

Things seem pleasant and innocent enough
enjoying fire and meat and sunshine 06:18 PM June 08, 2008 from txt


_{Disaster strikes at the launderette}

Some time passes, alcohol is consumed, a Radio 1 DJ turns up
off to the 80's. So drunk 08:34 PM June 08, 2008 from txt

was just kissed by Scott Mills. No tongue... 01:26 AM June 09, 2008 from txt


_{I'm at a beach party. In Newquay. And I still manage to find a cone...}

More innocent fun
beachtime! 11:55 AM June 09, 2008 from txt

volleyball, frisbee, real water. Awesome 04:37 PM June 09, 2008 from txt


_{You'd think I'd be too old for this. You'd be wrong.}

No updates follow for the rest of the 9^th. I wonder why?

A possible explanation
worst hangover ever 09:54 AM June 10, 2008 from txt

no, wait. Just tried walking. Apparently still Very drunk 10:28 AM June 10, 2008 from txt


_{The morning after...}

Anyone know what this was about? Anyone?
Indiana Jones and the temple of MAGIC BUS 12:43 AM June 11, 2008 from txt

We decide to leave the beach and alcohol behind for a bit...
walking through fields, lots of stiles but not a fence in sight 01:43 PM June 11, 2008 from txt

found a gorgeous village with a top-notch local pub. Real food too, rather than BBQ I've been having all week 02:52 PM June 11, 2008 from txt


_{Why were there about 9 stiles, but no fences?}

...we were 50% successful I suppose
we'll never get to the beach if we stop off at every pub. Nice cyders though 03:41 PM June 11, 2008 from txt

a small walking tour of Cornwall's breweries' offerings later, I'm at the beach. Anyone know the formula for drunkenness vs depth of water one should swin in? 04:16 PM June 11, 2008 from txt

This hurt so, so much more than I can describe
waterproof suncream in eye versus water. Currently losing: my eye 06:16 PM June 11, 2008 from txt


_{Students know how to set up drinking games}

I'm guessing this explains the rip I found in my shirt..
Pendulum DJ set was ace. So was window climbing 01:57 AM June 12, 2008 from txt


_{Seriously, students know how to set up drinking games}

I'll never eat trifle again
just remembering the semi-solidified shot cocktail I drank last night makes me feel queasy 09:33 AM June 12, 2008 from txt


_{I will not mix cream-based shots with tequila.
I will not mix cream-based shots with tequila.
I will not mix cream-based shots with tequila.}

The last day dragged on a bit
pub breakfast complete, just 13 hours to kill before coach arrives...somehow. Ideas anyone? 12:14 PM June 12, 2008 from txt

team awesome and friend are acing the pub quiz 10:53 PM June 12, 2008 from txt

I appear to have volunteered to write pub quiz software for a pub in Newquay. Self-five 12:33 AM June 13, 2008 from txt

I wrote him the software a few days later. He now sends me a copy of his pub quiz every week - awesome!

Seriously, I saw the box labelled 'hash browns'. She just hadn't heard of them before
at the worst takeaway ever - the menu bears no relation to the staffs' English vocabulary 12:06 AM June 13, 2008 from txt

THE HASH BROWNS ARE IN THE FREEZES YOU CRAZY TURKISH LADY. I PROMISE THEY'RE REALLY A FOOD. GET MY DAMN HASH BROWNS :( 12:12 AM June 13, 2008 from txt

chips, the poor man's hash brown. I'm crying inside. 12:32 AM June 13, 2008 from txt


_{End of an adventure. Note the lack of hash browns.}

The aftermath
ill :( 06:36 PM June 15, 2008 from web

feel like death...can I take my first day back in the office off sick? Probably not.. 09:36 AM June 16, 2008 from web

it's some combination of a carnivorous diet, alcohol overload and freshers' flu I think 11:43 AM June 16, 2008 from web

Keeping busy

With only two weeks left in Reading, I've decided to make sure that I get around and enjoy all that the city has to offer - and all that the folks I've met here can give me in the way of interesting company.

According to my Outlook calendar, the next meeting I have to attend is 'Drinks O'Clock', as today's the last time that all of my team is likely to be around in one place before I leave this place for good.

Having run into one of our trendy London colleagues in the office today, we're now off to a members-only cocktail club, The Player - over in Soho, which should be pretty cool. Expect drunken tweets if the night goes as planned.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Jolly Anglers, a lovely canalside pub for a jam night. I'm a bit worried about carrying guitars back next to a river with beer-legs, but I haven't been to a jam night that wasn't jazz-themed for a while. I really hope some 18 year old goth kid turns up wanting to play black metal.

Friday is a birthday party for one of the other interns - not much to say about that one, it'll just be fairly generic and studenty. I'm sure Facebook pictures will fill you in on the details.


_{Lol Coxhill - can't wait}

On Saturday I'm off to see avant-garde saxophonist Lol Coxhill over at the Rising Sun Arts Centre. It's an eclectic venue (in the truest sense of the word), and I've seen some very good gigs there, and some very bad ones too. Hopefully this will be of the former variety, as I've heard very good things about Lol (got to love the name) but never seen him live.

Sunday, therefore, is for Rock Band and sleeping. Exciting times eh?

Off to Newquay!

I'm off to Newquay for a week-long beach party over the next week, so there won't be any updates. I'll be tweeting though, if you're still interested in keeping up with me.

Xx

Fun on the tube

I've been working in London recently, here's a few amusing little titbits:

1. I was sitting in the carriage next to an empty driver's cabin, and looking through the window to see what the exciting life of a tube driver looked like. On the 'emergency pod' was a listing of all emergency equipment stored inside (flares, first aid kit, etc) - and at the bottom of the list on a post-it note was written 'orange Kit-Kat'.

2. Tube Surfing. It's not really relevant to the last couple of days in London, but I've recently been falling in love with an Urban Sport with the unfortunate name of Tube Surfing. Unfortunate, because it's the same name given to another very dangerous sport I just linked to. This one, far more tame, involves getting a bit drunk (or a lot) and then seeing how far you can travel on the tube without holding on or falling over. Central Line West is a nightmare for this.

3. Guards love the feeling of power they get when they can close a station to newcomers because it's too busy. One of them chased someone who sneaked through yesterday to yell at her - and the other hundred or so people 'sneaked' behind him without him noticing. His face when he turned around was priceless.

Edit: 4. Tube Poker. Thanks to Gareth for the link in the comments. This looks like the best game ever.

Back to my meeting now, more fun later.

Xx

I'm off to the ball..

..and I'm ill :(

Tonight is the Microsoft Interns' 2007/2008 leaving ball - and some folks will be gone by this time next week! Scary stuff. For now though I just have to get through a three course meal and a (relatively) open bar, with the joint disabilities of having what Julie calls a cold (but is probably some kind of fatal head cancer) and not having a tuxedo.

I'm also going to be missing Eurovision tonight, but I've asked some people to text me everytime I should drink. For those of you who don't have other commitments, here's a suggested base of drinking rules I knocked up last year. Obviously, you'll need to improvise around, and add to these rules, as well as whatever your own interpretation of sesh rules/International Drinking Rules is.

Enjoy :)

Students

I'm back up in Birmingham for a few days, to try and gently wean myself back into the student lifestyle before my placement's over and I have to return into the hellish maelstrom of drinking and debauchery that is academia - and I'm fairly scared.

People here don't have a 1:1 over coffee booked for a 30 minute slot in their calendars, they say "See you in the pub about 3ish", then turn up at 4 and stay there 'till they're kicked out.

These student types don't go out for nice meals, they order in dubious takeaway from places that just have 'meat' written on the menu, with no specifics as to which animal volunteered itself for the dish.



It looks like this is going to take quite some readjustment for me - including learning to find something to drink in a pubs where if you ask for beer you get asked "Fosters or Carling?", and for a cider - "Strongbow or Magners?". Nice.

Flashmobs

As previously noted, one of the many memes I'm currently into is that of Flashmobs. I've had the chance to participate in a few by now (including one RickMob - leet as hell), but there's nothing better than the completely impromptu ones that occasionally occur when drunk.

When out with the other interns last Friday, one of the chaps met someone he knew from University. Within 5 seconds and a shout of 'OMG it's Frankie Dettori' this happened to the poor chap:


_Brilliant

Good night - pity about the tequila hangover :(

I'm famous!

In case it's escaped anyone's attention, I have a fairly distinctive look. It's also been remarked upon that I'm not entirely shy of a crowd and have been known to exhibit certain exuberant eccentricities - especially when I've been drinking. Another side effect of drinking is memory blur and loss, which can then lead to certain awkward social moments when folks remember me, but I have no idea who they are.

Most of these occurrences are fairly average, such as people saying hi to me in shops or people I meet through work saying "You gave me a presentation a couple of months back...", but there have been a few of interest recently - I'll share some:

1. T.V.
Quite some time ago, I appeared on a daytime T.V. quiz show by the name of Brainteaser (now closed down due to legal scandal).

Plenty of people at home and University recognised me and came up to me afterwards (proof, if ever it was needed, that students just sit around watching rubbish on TV all day) - but a particularly disturbing moment was experienced a fair few weeks after the programme aired, in a pitch-black nightclub in Manchester, at 3am, when two chaps came up to say they recognised me.

If that's not strange enough, I should point out that I dressed casually and fairly 'normally' for the show. In Manchester, I was wearing a dress and make-up (don't ask):


_{Ducky says hi}

2. U.S.A.
Under the guise of work, I slipped off to Seattle earlier this year for a Microsoft internal conference. There was lots of drinking along the way, but one particularly memorable night was the main party. I was on stage twice at this party - once jamming with the house band (fairly sober) and once dancing with a tambourine (less sober).

Videos of this (fairly extended) moment exist, and I'm sure the image has stuck in many a Microsoftie's mind and will be firmly rooted there, as the one lasting memory they have of the conference. It was still quite a shock last night though when someone with lots of neon on grabbed me just as I was finishing some tequila and shouted "You were awesome in Seattle".

It took me quite a while to discern what on earth he was on about, and how he knew (of) me.

3. W.O.G.s (Weird Oracle Girls)
I get a free bus from the office back to my house on the rare days I'm actually working in Reading, and this gets quite crowded around 5.30. Twice though, earlier on, when the bus was empty, a girl has gotten on from our neighbours Oracle, and sat right next to me.

Sure, you think, it's just my sexual magnetism - not so. Possibly. The first chatted away to me for quite a while, which was lovely, and seemed to know quite a bit about me. I couldn't place her though until she walked halfway to my house, and then turned off a side-street saying "See you Tuesday". At this point I still thought she was some crazy stalker, until Julie suggested she might be a girl I dance Salsa with on Tuesdays.

However, the second W.O.G. still remains a mystery to me. Likewise, she sits and talks to me, and it's gotten to the point now where I can simply reference other bus conversations and look like I know who she is. I just wish she'd wear a name badge on the bus one of these times - I really would like to know how she knows me.

Drinks o'clock

Someone once said to me "I'm dreading going back to Uni - at work you can just turn up 9-5 and then forget about it. At Uni you've always got something to do".

I always found the opposite to be true - there's no 5am starts at Uni, and any coding at midnight or emails on a Sunday afternoon are strictly for fun.

There's also another key difference between work and University - one which will take a lot of adaptation as I go back for my final year. I'm only just used to the professional way of doing things, and soon I'll be back to the academic method. This difference relates to the ancient tradition of drinking.

Morning drinks

At University, it's perfectly acceptable to drink in the morning for a variety of reasons. Here's a range of potentials:

• Hangover cure


• You've found some interesting liquid in a glass from the night before


• Sink's full of washing and you want to throw away half empty cans


• Exams are over


• Exams are coming up

..and on, you get the idea.

In the professional sphere however, you can only drink in the morning if you're in the upper echelons of management and still have a drinks cabinet. The move towards open plan offices makes this perk even more special nowadays, and I feel this is having a significant impact on morale. Terrible.

Cocktails at lunch

Lunch (known as 'dinner' to the uneducated plebians of the north) should always be accompanied by a variety of intoxicating beverages in the working world. This is especially true when the corporate expense account is paying - yet another reason to schedule customer meetings around the 12pm mark.

Students on the other hand, are much less likely to drink at lunchtime. With the journey from University back to home too strenuous, and the foresight to bring a packed lunch still lacking, lunch must be a bought meal. This expenditure places a strain on the fragile student budget and must be compensated for by a cheap drink - generally a can of something as part of a 'Meal Deal'.

A late afternoon tipple

As the hour approaches that magical 6pm mark, when it's socially acceptable to be drinking in public places other than students unions and restaurants, both of our sets of subjects are likely to be found with a glass in hand - but for differing reasons.

6pm is time for students to begin the night's drinking (at home, naturally), generally with some card or shouting based drinking games. It's also the hour when professional types can nip out for a couple of beers before coming home late to their wife, lamenting how late they had to stay in the office, working away.

Nightcap

As we're all aware, both groups will stop drinking at this point and head off to bed, to be up bright and early for a good day's work/learning.

Summer plans

Today (presumably) for being so wonderful, my contract at MS was extended until the end of June. Given that I've got a house here in Reading 'till the start of July anyway it's probably for the best - but it does make my plans of landing a job over at Last.FM over the summer.

I'd planned to work for 3 months with them, doing various bits of drone work - and listening to lots and lots of new and exciting music. I imagine the office atmosphere would be pretty leet too (rumour has it they hold their interviews in their giant ball pit).


_{I imagine work at last.fm would look like this every day}

Unfortunately, doing that with my next contract extension would involve starting on July 1st and finishing on October 1st at the earliest - not really the best idea given that University probably want me to turn up for my final year. Also I have various other fun things planned:

• Week's drinking in Newquay, in a Caravan, at Summer Break 2008.


• Long weekend's camping in the Lake District


• Week long roadtrip to Belgium with The Idiots


• Possibly working at (and therefore, otherwise attending) Reading 2008 ^{will you be there?}


• Professionally recording various jazz compositions/jams in Cardiff


• Various other short trips and events...depending on budget and friends

So, let me know if you have anywhere exciting you want to go (with me) and I'll set about filling up the gaps in my schedule. EasyJet's a mere £30 or so return to many lovely places :)

On fruit

I don't think I've consumed quite as much fruit in a 24 hour period as in the one just passed, and I can tell you that I currently feel awful. My head is throbbing, bright lights hurt and my mouth feels inexplicably dry.

It all started yesterday, with a seemingly innocent apple in the office, around 3pm. I thought, 'hey, one little bit of fruit won't harm my work' and indeed, I managed to get on with another couple of hours of productive coding before it was time to head home.


_{As a child, I was exposed to all kinds of fruit through subliminal advertising in children's TV}

Back at the house, before I headed out for the night, I stopped by the kitchen for a quick banana. All true students know that it's best to start eating at home, before you move on to expensive pubs and bars - after all, you can buy nice and cheap and in bulk at any supermarket.

Shortly enough, I strolled out to a micro-brewery/pub nearby to meet Will for his birthday celebrations - and decided to sample one of the pub's latest specialties, a mango beer. The fruit orgy continued with a passion fruit beer and in a short amount of time, I was feeling decidedly lightheaded.


_{Strawberries - so sweet and tempting}

We strolled over to the Oakfield Social Club later on, where I had Früli recommended to me. A couple of these lovely strawberry beers later, and then I was back on the apples with a nice pint of Weston's cider which appeared in my hand.


_{The humble apple, so seemingly sweet and innocent}

The rest of the night passed in a bit of a blur, and I dread to think what other fruits I consumed. As I awoke this morning, I swore off all fruit forever (as one is wont to do), but I'm already back off out to the Social Club tomorrow for an event entitled 'Let's get drunk and try and play jazz'. Should be fun. I hope they have pears.

--

In related news, have you gotten around to voting on The Fruit Graph? - Inspired by this little comic, which caused a lot of fuss on the internet:


_{Entitled, 'Fuck Grapefruit'. Click to embiggen.}

Dancing on the tables

So as I've mentioned, I spent the a while last month over in Seattle, working away studiously. I must admit however, that there was the odd night out drinking along the way. Every night, to be perfectly precise. I won't bore you with stories of under-dressed women dancing on the bar and riding bulls, nor will I draw out the mundane tale of the Scotch Whiskey vs Bourbon challenge.

Instead, I'm just going to tell you about one particular night. Thursday night. This will probably be a long post, but I promise it'll be worth it.

I've had this post written a while, but was waiting on the videos I reference below. Still no sign of them, but when I get them, I'll put them up too. Maybe.

Things started well, as per usual, with a small trip to the hotel bar of The Westin, where I was staying. Aside from having the slowest cocktail-making barman east of Finland, this was fairly unremarkable - although they did insist on ID'ing me every single time I went there (night after night), even when I was only buying a hot chocolate.


_{The Westin - I don't remember it looking quite so technicolor}

After that we jumped on a coach and headed off to the TechReady Party - which was hosted on the dockside, in a large warehouse. Given that the attendee list featured around 5000 men and two women, and that warehouses aren't famed for their heating or comfort, you could be excused for thinking this wouldn't be much of a party.

If you needed any more convincing, then looking at the 'map' given out at the start (four Space Zones (!!) ) would have been enough to send anyone of a weaker will packing. I stuck to it though, and made my way through to the karaoke section - to hear a fully international audience united in their love of butchering classic songs. You've not heard 'Smoke On The Water' 'till you've heard it in an odd Russian accent.

Once my ears had bled enough I headed on through to the Lunar..something...whatever - where the Randy Oxford Band were playing some of their own stuff, and hosting a jam night. There wasn't much I could play (no trumpet, keyboards far too quiet...) but I did feel it my Gallic duty to join in somehow, so I decided to have a crack at playing one of the lovely basses on stage - albeit, upside down, as they only had right handed basses. Some guys I was with were nice enough to take a video:

--

[I'll add in the video when I get a copy, sorry folks]

--

Now, videos when I'm sober are fair enough, in fact - they're encouraged. The problem is - just like the rest of the week, the alcohol was all free, and freely flowing. The difference this night though, was that a very nice waitress had latched herself onto our group.

At first, she brought us all a lovely fruity cocktail - which was very pleasing and tasty, and was consumed pretty quickly. As she offered us another one, one of the fellows I was with remarked "..but could you make it a bit stronger this time?". Everyone laughed, and she did so. Then she offered us another drink, and remembering the laughter he said the same again. And again. And again.

An hour, maybe two, passed, and the night was drawing to a close. The jam session had mostly ended (although a couple of stragglers were still up on stage with the main band) and anyway...I was a little too tipsy to play most instruments. There was however, one instrument I could still play - and it was one small enough that I could also indulge my itch to dance (with a 99:1 male/female ratio, they'd decided not to include a dancefloor):

--

[I'll add in the video when I get a copy, sorry folks]

--

At some point after this video was taken, one of the band was heard to state "Get on out there and get them going" to me. Naturally I took this to mean "Go and dance on the tables", which undoubtedly was a good idea in front of all of my peers and colleagues. Seemed to go down well anyway. Also, for the record - I did NOT kick that speaker off stage. It fell. And it was fine anyway.

At some further point the party ended. Or, everyone pretended it was over so I'd leave...either way - we got a coach back to the hotel. On the coach I got a phone call from my team-mates to tell me that they'd had enough, and were 'quitting' - so I thought to myself 'I suppose midnight's late enough...up at 7am tomorrow to see Bill Gates talk anyway'...and made my way up to my room, undressed, and got into bed.

Five seconds later, I got another phone call, which as far as I can best transcribe, went something like this:

"AAahf we lof gooo noawnaaa tohoooash ooo ahod a [and on]...Hello, sorry, I think he's a bit drunk. We're outside the Westin if you fancy coming out"

"Sure", I said, "wait there for me" - and got out of bed, got dressed and popped outside. They were nowhere to be found. I tried ringing the two guys I knew were out, got no reply, send texts, got no reply...and decided to give up again.

This time I got as far as the door to my room before my phone rang again - they were at a bar just around the corner. I popped along there where I met a bunch of Brits, and a Polish chap I'd met on my trip to Prague a few months back, who was also out drinking.

We had some more drinks, and eventually moved on to a bar which, eerily, had no discernible name. In there, our Polish friend hooked up with a lovely looking local with very nice breasts in the time it took me to order a drink and blink a couple of times. Someone called over to me:

"Hey, he works fast"

In no time they had their arms around one another, and were soon kissing and swapping various fluids at the bar. It wasn't long - mere minutes in fact - before they were polishing off their drinks and leaving together. I shouted over the bar to one of the fellows we were with:

"Bloody hell, she was keen"

The barman overheard this little exchange and looked towards the door with an amused grin on his face. He turned to us and said:

"He didn't just leave with him did he?"

"Him?"

"Yeah, that guy's been hanging around here for months, trying to pick up men"

Well, we tried to get out and save our Polish friend, but he was already long gone. I sent a text message...it may even have arrived in time. We didn't see him again that night - and he was reluctant to talk about it afterwards.


_{I don't have a picture (or memory) of the guy/girl, so here's an artist's impression.}

You might think that, with 2am (the time when Washington state shuts down) swiftly approaching, a 7pm start that evening and a 7am start the following morning, we'd take this experience as a cue to go home. If you think that, you're probably not British.

After some cajoling the barmen told us that they did know of one place we could go...a club that stayed open till 6am - perfect! And when we got there I was extremely pleasantly surprised to find a buzzing dancefloor, a well stocked bar, and plenty of women lounging around - some less dressed than others.

Well, we paid our $5, and entered - getting a lovely stamp that wouldn't wash off. After gravitating towards the women who looked lonely, and in need of some company, we popped over to the dancefloor. A short time stumbling around there left us thirsty, and so we gathered together and popped along to the bar, and ordered our various drinks.

The reason, it soon became apparent, that Washington closed down at 2am, was that no-one can serve alcohol after 2am. So we had five Red Bulls instead. Things got quite surreal after a while - with a club full of drunken people dancing away at 3.30/4am, all with soft drinks in their hands. I'll never forgot the girl slumped, semi-conscious at the bar, holding a glass of orange squash.

That Bill Gates speech the next day by the way? Great - although I wasn't really up for breakfast beforehand.

A quick hello from Seattle

This trip in one word:

Unhealthy

I'm not sure I've eaten a single vegetable since I arrived here. I'm becoming swiftly addicted to American junk food. I spend the entire day (8-6!) sitting in sessions, watching cool people presenting about ultra-cool stuff. I then pop back to my hotel room for all of...fifteen minutes or so. After that it's time to go out for another inordinately unhealthy (but gorgeous) meal, and lots to drink.

I'm sure something happens after that too, but I have no idea what. Then it's back up at 7.30am to start the whole thing again. The only exercise I get is moving between bars, or walking from the hotel to the convention centre and back.

I choose to walk despite the fact that my hotel's one of the ones on the 'shuttle bus' route to the convention centre. Only the ones which are close enough to walk don't get a shuttle bus service. I'm so hardcore I walk it anyway - though it's such a dissapointment not being "so near the hotel that shuttle transport will not be provided and taxi fares will not be reimbursed" as you can clearly see below:



Picture taken from Live Maps' directions from the hotel to the convention center centre.

Today

• Times left the house: 0


• Doughnuts eaten: 5


• Doughnuts left: 5


• Words spoken: 0


• Time spent in the bath watching Peep Show: 150 minutes


• Percentage of the day spent wearing clothes: 10%


• Times clicked on one of the links in my favourites: 117


• Times F5 pressed on a forum to see if there are any new posts: ~40


• Google queries: 27


• Gin drunk: 75ml


• Pointless rants started: 2
  
  
  • Drugs dealers are making money from 'Coke', which is a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola corporation
  
  
  • There's no difference between mechanical engineering and science, because engineering is all based on physics


• Films watched 3


• Cookies eaten: 12


• Cookies left: 0

I hate Reading. Can't wait for tomorrow...

Lemmings (and Mario)

Given that prospective employers may well read anything I put up here - and University faculty, colleagues, friends, family and strangely bored 'internet people' already do, I've been a bit loath to blog about a night out I had a week or so ago for Emma's birthday.

Tagged under 'a' for 'alcohol'

The theme, you see, was video game characters - but as I'd been planning to ditch her to go to a better party, I didn't have anything prepared. When I ran into the young lady in town, and she came up with some suggestions (Mario, Link, Sonic etc) - all of which were for non-Amiga games, I wasn't too keen on any of them - until she mentioned lemmings.

Bored of reading yet? Here's a picture. Woo picture.


_Mayhem!

Now, lemmings I love. I must have spent days, if not weeks of game-time in their little world, caring more for each lemming than I did for some relatives. Unfortunately, they're not very distinctive in their dress - taking up 50 pixels or so as they do. We opted for green hair and...blue. The blue, and you'll soon see why I was reluctant to post this - came in the form of some skintight tights and a £1 girl's top from Primark.

Yes, like many a night out, this had degenerated into cross-dressing in a matter of minutes.

Believe it or not, I've never actually worn tights before. It's always good to try new things, and I do like to share my experiences. As such, here are my top three tips about tights:

1. If you think they won't go up any further - pull more fabric from the infinite supply at the foot area. You'll see.


2. Unless you're a Geordie female, tights do not constitute a fully insulating thermal layer for your legs on a cold, cold night.


3. Tights are surprisingly comfortable and make your legs feel lovely. Now you'll always be looking at my trousers and wondering won't you...but you'll never know.

Ah, the list. Second only to the picture for breaking up a long stream of text. Speaking of which...


_{Why the hell is that floater out of line?}

We started the night in the Back Of Beyond, a Wetherspoon's pub, where we met some other video games characters. Despite this, for some bizarre reason, I appeared to be the only guy in the establishment wearing tights, which earned me some strange looks. Those strange looks were, however, easily deflected by virtue of stretching out my legs for some comfort - tights are a bit constricting on a guy.


_{Did Mario really wear a Mario Bros t-shirt?}

After we'd had a small tipple in that pub, we felt it would be a good idea to move on. This was partly because we wanted to go dancing, and partly because the countdown on the level was almost up and we didn't want to all blow raspberries and then blow up.

Almost there...

Unfortunately, it appears that alcohol has certain effects on the human body. It soon became further apparent that some of these are triggered when one steps out into the cold, cold air. For reasons that are no longer clear I was chasing Emma down the street, in my smooth-soled Blue Suede Shoes when I fell. Fortunately, I was fine, but the same can't be said of the young girl who rushed to my aid - believing me to be a damsel in distress.


_{Mario cops a feel}

I'll never forget - and regrettably, never recapture - the look on her face as she screeched, in a horrific violation of Diversity Policy - "You're a guy!". Priceless. The rest of the night in that classiest of joints, the Purple Turtle, was a disappointment by comparison.

Finally - I can't resist one last photograph of those lovely legs in an inappropriate position: