Grad Fair Fun

For three years now I've been heading out to the various graduate recruitment fairs in the autumn to chat to students about where they should work: specifically, at Microsoft - or this year, Thomson Reuters. It's amazing how easily my loyalty can be bought with a bunch of cash (take note people).

I love these things - it's fun chatting to some of the bright students but it's a lot more amusing to watch the dumb ones come up and make fools of themselves in front of the people who'll be recruiting them in future. Here's a few of this year's classic quotes:


"I'm at University but I don't really like it so I'm thinking of something else, can you recommend anything?"
Yes, not going to a graduate recruitment fair.

"Are you guys French?" No. "Oh so you're posh then?" ...

"I've got a lot of experience as a bakery assistant, and doing cake decorating" I don't think we're the right company for you "No no...look at my CV [two pages of catering qualifications]".

"I've got a psychology degree."


It's also amusing to see different companies' approach to recruitment. Aldi go down the subtle route, with an Audi A4 parked in the middle of the fair and "£40k starting salary" - I think it would be a bit redundant to ask what kind of hours their grads can expect. It was also fun to see Royal Mail had a large stand at the fair (and their exhibitors turned up) - and to listen to the grads ribbing them.

Finally, at the Birmingham fair I wandered over to the Aston University stand to say hi to the folks there, which ended up turning into a nice little meeting point for the various ex-grads who've managed to land themselves jobs now. I think I volunteered to have a profile of my [ahem] fantastic success in the new Undergraduate Prospectus.

Victory

I'm eating a coconut.

Many of you will have done this before. It's possible you've even opened your own. It was easy, you used the right tools, the right techniques, there's really nothing to it..

Screw you guys. I got to use an axe. I had fun.

Here's the final armoury of tools I required to get into my coconut:


_{How could I lose?}

The first step was to get the milk out. I didn't have a vice or a clamp, so I figured my legs would suffice. The fun bit was when the drill bounced off the shell and I had to activate pneumatic mode:


_{A bit closer to my testicles than the B&Q safety manual recommends}

The knife was a complete disappointment in most respects, but did serve well in lieu of a hammer when I needed something to bash the chisel with. We don't have any pics of that scary moment, so here's one of the knife disturbingly close to my fingers:



And, finally, success:



In other news my housemate has swine flu.

Xx

Research

Lots (read: more than one) of people have been asking what I'm up to nowadays, which has led me to the conclusion that I'm neglecting my blog. The whole purpose of this exercise is to avoid frivolous conversation by publishing the answers to questions which form the bulk of small-talk; that my conversation time may be better spent. The inefficiency of giving the same facts to different people in different conversations is amazingly annoying.

So.

Having finished university (results are out on Thursday 18^th with luck), I'm now...at university. I'm working as a research student for ten weeks, working in the same area as with my final year project.

I'll hopefully be publishing a paper in AAMAS (Autonomous Agents and Multi-Agent Systems), and then presenting it in May/June 2010, in Canada. Also it pays for rent and clothes shopping over summer - but let's pretend I'm doing this for the advancement of human knowledge.

We're still finalising a topic - I'll post a dumbed down (read: jargon-free) version of whatever I do up here :)

Xx

PS: I have a small office with (inexplicably) 9 chairs, yet on the rare occasions anyone stops by for a chat, they generally stay standing. Explanations on a postcard please.

Crazy People

It makes waiting for buses (and the subsequent journeys) so much more interesting when instead of a sullen Brummie looking annoyed at everything, there's a crazy* person repeating the same thing over and over to anyone who might vaguely listen. Top of the list, of course, is an old lady who wants to tell me how lovely my hair is; but crazy people are a close second.

There were two such folks who got the bus in with me today; one alternately shouting and singing "You can't go in this afternoon, mate" and the other with a more elaborate spiel about how "You only ever have one exam, that's music" (although he did then go on to contradict himself, saying how he'd failed two assessments).

That's not the interesting part.

These two, apparently entirely independent people were waiting at the bus stop at 8.30am (ok, 9.30am - but if my supervisor asks, I was in work at 9). They got the bus in to town. As I stepped on the bus at 5.30pm (fine, fine - 4.30pm) - they were both there again, shouting and singing their way home.

What kind of magical, wonderful day did they have? Were they perhaps just getting buses to and from town all day, entertaining the passengers? Or did they get to town, walk into the office and have a full, normal day's work before resuming their alter-egos? Maybe they're brilliant physicists who were doing important research all day, and just do the shouting for a laugh.

Or, even better, is there a club for such people? Do they have a full day at the club, with various shouting and walking oddly and talking to strangers rooms and sessions? Do they pop home at 5 to have dinner and get ready for the club's evening party, where they dress up in their best and bring their partners along for some couples shouting?

Next time I see one of these folks and I'm not so busy, I'll follow them and let you know.

Xx

--

*'Crazy' probably isn't the PC term any more, but I may as well continue my downward spiral into immorality.

Our band room is pretty rad

It only just occurred to me that the posters in the band room in my house aren't quite cohesive. Take the following example:



Here we have party plates, a rubix cube and a slinky, sitting beneath a very charming lady's legs, beneath a hand-drawn guitar, beneath a John Coltrane poster.

Also decorating the walls we have a used* Amy Winehouse poster sitting next to charming hand-drawn posters for a band you've never heard of (more on that later), Ice-T next to posters for a ska gig at Barfly and a Battle Of The Bands we had some entries in..

And on. It's all very exciting :)

--

* for games of 'get the blindfolded audience member to pin the crack on the crack-whore' at certain gigs.

Alex Harmon

Whenever I go along to open mic nights, there's often a performer or two I really quite like, but for some reason as I walk out of the door, it never quite sticks. I don't look them up again, don't recommend them to others...it's just a part of the night.

I always mean to change that attitude and, in that spirit, here's a chap that was playing at Einstein's this Tuesday.

Alex Harmon

Only three songs up there, but I do like them. Not entirely sure about the recorded versions though, I think he might have been a bit better off just putting a tape recorded in front of a microphone at one of his gigs. Still, have a listen.

Videos of Tie-Dye Quartet at The Yardbird

As promised, courtesy of YouTube, here's some videos from parts of our second set:

Chameleon


Spanish Guitar Jam


Fever


Ina's Jam


Wade In The Water


Silver Rain


The tracks are also up for free download on Last.fm. Or, at least, they will be shortly. Try back tomorrow if you can't find them now.

Tie-Dye Quartet at The Yardbird

Last night was our exciting (and nicely paid, wink wink) gig at The Yardbird jazz club in Birmingham city centre - and it went pretty well if I do say so myself. The place wasn't packed, being bonfire night, but there was still a respectable audience and we played two 50 minute sets or so, with an encore when some folks started shouting.

Pics below, videos to follow once they're done uploading to YouTube.







Excuse the quality, our usual photographer was on a date :)

Tie-Dye Quartet Pictures

The wonderful Chris Lush not only took photos of Tie-Dye Quartet for our album artwork, but also comes along to the occasional gig and photographs us. Here's a few shots from our show on Thursday - be sure to click on each image to get sent through to the full quality pictures, the previews really don't do them justice.


<sub>Our good looking drummer, Pete Ford


Presumably this was a tricky passage...


Guitar solo!


Can't forget the trumpet


There was a very good crowd on the night


Seriously, people were queueing up outside the door, one in - one out</sub>

I'll also see if I can dig up some audio from one of the people who was either filming our set, or just watching the entire thing through a digital camera lens. Presumably the former.

Xx

First gig for a while

Last night was the first gig I've played with the Tie-Dye Quartet since recording and...whew. I think the best description for the night would be 'a bit Spinal Tap'.

Our guitarist got held up (after giving a guitar lesson, what are the odds?) and we were almost about to start playing without him when he came through the door. The stage set-up was, to be generous, not the best I've ever seen. Suffice to say that I could only hear the drums, as could the drummer. Lots of head gestures were in order. Oh, also my bass string snapped during the third song and we had to have a quick improv guitar & drums jam whilst I changed it in record time.

Still though, no matter how badly we thought we performed, everyone genuinely seemed to think it sounded great - even the other musicians in the audience. We even got offered a gig at someone's Ball in a fancy hotel, and sold a few albums once we were done playing. Clearly the acoustics were fantastic eh?

We're going to be practising hard now for some of the more important (and/or paid) gigs we've got coming up - this was just a free show at the University bar. If people thought last night was good, then I don't see how we can fail :)

I'll get some pics up once our official photographer has finished Photoshopping them to make us look good. I might even put a short video or audio file up too if I can find one which doesn't make me wince too badly.

Omega Sektor Sponsorship

I headed out today to meet with some folks from Omega Sektor about partnering up a bit with my lovely Aston CompSoc. It seemed a fairly logical union, as we've got a bunch of geeks and they've got a hell of a lot of gaming PCs and consoles.

They gave me a quick tour of the place before we talked, and I was far more impressed than I thought I'd be. They're building a Wii area downstairs, with a bunch of large screens in cubicles for gaming fun. You know the only game that'll get played there is going to be Wii Tennis though.

There's also a giant-screen Wii (not sure how that works with the motion sensor), a PS2/PS3/XBox 360 console room and a whole bunch of rooms filled with gaming PCs, in varying formations for different team strategies - mostly shamelessly sponsored by big gaming companies that have little connection to the rooms.



After the usual kind of deal was agreed on (we promote their stuff, they give us free and discounted stuff and talk to our members), they even gave myself & a friend free run of the facilty 'till we got bored.

Great fun, highly recommended (and not just because they're now paying me to say that) - more details after our first CompSoc LAN there ;)

Me^6 & Back To The Future Drinking Games

I'm 22 years old...aaah! I did, however, have an awesome birthday to make up for this scary fact - and it started off with a bit of dress-up. Now, some people like to have fancy dress themes for their parties, and may choose 'rave' or 'western' or '90s' or something boring and impersonal like that. People will then pop out to a fancy dress shop, grab some tacky mass-produced rubbish and spent the night looking a fool.

Not at my party.

Hours of effort went into making wonderful masks featuring the star of the night, so everyone could revel in the joy of looking this beautiful, albeit just for one night, and just above the neck. Naturally, I understand that you'll want to do the same next time you have a special occasion, and have created a guide to creating your own Ina Mask


_{After much deliberation, it was decided I probably didn't need a mask of my own}

You may think that, being vain, I'd have been in my element surrounded entirely by people wearing my face - but I should point out that it was a profoundly disturbing experience, and one I'm not sure I'd recommend. I'm used to seeing other people's faces walking around, on top of bodies...I'm not used to seeing my own. Times six. With dark holes where the eyes should have been.


_{The looks we got walking down the road were priceless}

We went out for curry like that, and had some great fun with the proprietor of the establishment (though I did worry he'd think we were going to rob the place). The next morning we decided to hang up the masks around the place, as well as putting the copies of the photo that didn't make it onto a mask up. The entire place now has a very Orwellian feel to it, with my face watching you wherever you go.

The whole thing's doing wonders for fuelling my dreams of being a fascist dictator. One that dresses like a hippy. Reconcile that one sociologists.


_{I'm thinking of starting an entire range of branded accessories}

Once this was all over, it was time to watch Back To The Future, with drinking games. I'm afraid I've lost our exact rules, but here's a close approximation of what to do when you hear certain things:

Marty - Play air guitar - last one to play (or least rocking out) drinks.
Doc - Girls drink.
McFly - Everyone shout 'Great Scott!'
Great Scott! - Boys drink.
1.21 Gigawatts - Shark attack - anyone touching the floor drinks.
88mph - Surf's up - anyone not touching the floor drinks.

There were some more, but I forget them - one is possibly related to the other. Great night, having your own version of it is highly recommended.

--

Remember - if you want your own Ina Mask, I've created a guide to producing your own. Enjoy, send me pictures.

Living like a student

Having thrown away twelve Microsoft branded pieces of clothing today, I'm pretty close to resuming a proper student lifestyle after a year's work. For those in a similar situation, here's a few tips:

• Don't go to sleep before 2am. Never wake up before 10am.


• If you accidentally wake early, on no account leave the bed. Not even to pee.


• If you don't wake up with a hangover, you're still drunk. Whatever you do, don't try to walk anywhere for a few hours.


• Tea must be consumed at least 5 times a day. Don't bother washing the mug inbetween brews.


• Spend no more than 3 seconds planning what clothes you'll wear. Aim to have either your thighs or nipples covered.


• It's always perfectly acceptable to wear sandals, wherever you're going.


• Plan the time of your shower carefully, it's the only thing you'll have to do all day, other than play XBox and watch Jeremy Kyle.


• The words 'in a minute' immediately absolve you of all responsibility for any household task.


• The words 'in a minute' immediately absolve me of all responsibility for any household task. Go do the dishes, it's your turn.


• Supermarket shopping should take at least three hours. Check every brand of every item - aim for exactly 100% of your RDA of a random mineral each day.


• Experiment. See which computer game you do best at by making the cat walk over the controllers. Mix all the out of date foods with one another.


• Opening your window counts as getting enough fresh air for the day. Rock Band counts as exercise.

Hope this helps, I'm off to throw away more junk that I've accumulated over the past year. I'm letting myself keep one pointless item per three I throw away. Sort of. Unless they're cool. All my stuff is cool.

Back in Brum

I've just finished moving all of my stuff back from Reading to Birmingham, via a large van hired especially for the occasion and I've come to a very definite conclusion.

I Have Far Too Much Crap

Some of the stuff I moved back from Reading to Birmingham hadn't actually gotten unpacked during the entire year I lived there (though, when I saw it again, it looked quite cool, so I didn't throw it away...whoops). On top of this unwillingness to dispose of anything I own, I've also spent the year getting paid and accumulating a vast range of things I don't really need but would quite like.

Clothes were the worst. It was estimated at one point that the amount of cardboard box space taken to pack my clothes would barely have sufficed for one girl's shoe collection. Nightmare. It probably doesn't help that I probably have more Microsoft branded clothes than the average person has clothes...anyone want a really cool t-shirt for Christmas?

Now then, time to unpack all of my very heavy stuff from the van, and then try to fit it all into a room that's a fair bit smaller than the one it wouldn't all fit into in Reading. See you in another two days...

Brummie Baywatch

A re-enactment of Baywatch at the 'Floozy in the Jacuzzi' in Birmingham town centre:



With thanks to Terra for the link :)

Travelling around

Well I'm on the road with work a lot more over the next few weeks, so if any of my scattered friends want to meet up at any of the below dates/places - send me a mail or something. Or you could even use the comments button here, it won't bite folks ;)

April
Friday 18^th
London

Sunday 20^th - Monday 21^st
Cardiff

Tuesday 22^nd
Woking

Friday 25^th
London

Tuesday 29^th - Wednesday 30^th
Old Windsor

Wednesday 30^th (that's not a typo...eep)
Manchester

May
Thursday 1^st
Manchester

Friday 2^nd - Monday 5^th
Bath

Wednesday 7^th - Thursday 8^th
London

Tuesday 13^th
Glasgow

Friday 16^th
Newcastle

Tuesday 20^th - Friday 23rd
Birmingham

Saturday 24^th
London

Friday 30^th - Saturday 31^st
Lake District

June
Sunday 1^st
Lake District, Birmingham

Monday 9^th - Friday 13^th
Newquay

--

Assume I'm in Birmingham for any dates not listed :)

I have found the most bizarre website in the world

I popped the word 'Laundrette' into Google a second ago, just to check I had the spelling right (I don't have FireFox with SpellChecker on this machine...also, the correct spelling is 'Launderette', so I'm glad I checked), and was so intrigued by the top search result I couldn't stop myself from visiting:

The Laundrette
Here are my reviews of laundrettes I have known. Please feel free to email me with your laundrette reviews and I will add them here...

With reviews of three launderettes in Birminham, and one in Shifnal - followed by links to websites that appear to be for Australian launderettes, and then one to A comprehensive list of launderettes near the waterways in the U.K..

Utterly surreal.

Cadbury's World is one giant drug trip

Up in Birmingham a day or two ago, and I got dragged away for a surprise day-trip adventure. All the hints and clues pointed towards some kind of strip club or brothel - so I was quite bemused when I stepped out of the car and found myself surrounded by small people running around and screaming a lot.

On an average day, Cadbury's World is normally a haven for the bored students in Birmingham, where they can wander around aimlessly, obtain a nutritious meal and generally manage to pass a day without any risk of learning anything. In the middle of the Easter holidays though, it's a little busier..

It was still an awesome day though, with liquid Dairy Milk and chocolate...lots of chocolate. I only just managed to avoid buying a box of 60 Curly Wurlys (a decision I'm regretting). But that isn't the point of this post.

As I was sitting in a small, chocolate car, being transported around a village of small cocoa beans, with music strikingly reminiscent of It's A Small World being piped in, it occurred that this would be a dream come true for someone on an acid trip. Even better than that scene at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Then there's a giant monkey. On a TV, in one of the houses.

It goes on like this, with lovely, childish and vaguely disturbing animations, models and singing being followed abruptly by something scary and disturbing. Then for no apparent reason, a parrot flies overhead and you're in outer space. I never did find out quite what the ride was supposed to show me, or understand its logical progression. I did find out, however, that Cadbury's originally owned a tea shop - what an awesome family. I also liked some of J. Cadbury's remarkably un-PC quotes, including:

"So we hired a little Chinese man, and dressed him up in a full outfit"

Right, time to stop rambling...I'm watching Charlie and The Chocolate Factory with a 3 year old who looks absolutely petrified by everything going on.

Xx

Back in the real world (almost)

Phew, don't think I've ever been this quiet before, have I? Been having quite a wild time since last Friday - I'll share some stories and the like with you later (when I have some more photos to put up) on here, feel free to ask about the rest of the stories I shan't be sharing on here. I probably won't tell you though. Ooooh, mysterious :p

Right now though, I'm just lying around trying not to fall asleep after some very, very early mornings and late nights. I've managed to have an entire holiday without one lie-in or full night's sleep and more than a couple of very early mornings to get to various places.

After an early start yesterday to get me to a hotel bar in Birmingham for a team meeting (it's a hard life), I was at the International Convention Centre in Birmingham today for a big Microsoft event I was presenting and helping out at, and tomorrow I'm back off to Cardiff for some much needed relaxation and sleep.

France was great though (if not the French), and I had a rather good time and got back with lots of really nice stuff. Still though, for the >£700 we managed to spend that weekend, you'd really hope so wouldn't you? Ouch for my bank account :(

Pictures, etc, to come later. Sleep now.

Xx

Reading Half Marathon (aka: ouch)

So, yesterday was spent doing one of three things:

• Walking a few miles to collect/after returning the lovely rental car (Peugot 207)


• Sitting in a room, filled with geeks and gadgets, computers and consoles, eating junk food and playing games


• Driving aimlessly around the middle of England trying to get from one major city to another

I walked about 7 miles and got home at about half midnight.

Now, I'm not a morning person. So, waking up at half seven this morning to get myself showered and dressed for the Reading Half Marathon, I wasn't in the best state. Walking another three miles to get to the start line didn't help, and walking a couple more to sort out various registration things also hindered me a bit.

The Half Marathon (13 and a bit miles) started at 10:05. I was walking from one place to another from 8:15am until...10:05. Nice. It was also a surprise to me that there was no water at the start, so I ran the first three miles feeling very dehydrated. The crowds at the sides were fun, as were some of the novelty runners (Elvis had a mp3 player and some speakers) and the various bands about.

Over the 13 miles I discovered many things, and thought about many others. Most of the thoughts were something to do with "ouch", but that was fine as it was always a new place on my body - some of which I wasn't even aware could hurt previously to today.

One thing I thought about and never managed to think of a reasonable explanation for was the disbursement of crowds along the various pavements. Obviously some bunching near pubs and bands is to be expected but why, on identically residential streets, were there long gaps with barely any crowd, and then a large gathered crowd. Was this co-ordinated? Herd mentality? One to look into.

My key takeaway from the Marathon, the one thing I truly learned, was that the Government needs to give some more jobs to the unemployed. 'Morale workers' we could call them. These chaps would wander around the street giving support to various people walking past. "You're doing fine, it's 4pm, work's almost over". "Brilliant trousers there sir! Love it". That kind of thing. People would be a lot happier if we had these guys to cheer them on as they went about their day to day life, and it would be a lot more useful than simply giving them benefits.

As three hours in the bath didn't help, I'm going to try watching some more TV to soothe my aching limbs. It won't help, but I am becoming rapidly addicted to Lost. Just a pity that the TV's downstairs, and my legs aren't big fans of stairs at the moment. Think I'll polish my lovely new tin medal whilst I'm down there too.t

Oh and, did I mention the 3 mile walk back home? That's dedication. Dedication to acting like a student and refusing to either queue for a long time to get a shuttle bus, or pay for a taxi.