I want to die

Stumbling between my bed and a source of tea this morning, with a horrific hangover, I was heard to remark 'I hate everything' - which I'm sure anyone else who's been going out for Freshers' Week can sympathise with.

However, it became apparent to me that 'everything' was quite a lot of stuff to hate, which really reduced the impact of my emotion. Therefore, I've decided to try and rank all of this stuff I hate, in order of how truly awful it is.

1. France
Come on, no recent events are going to overcome innate, reason-less xenophobia.

2. Purple Spinners
A drink I probably shouldn't have invented last night. It's made up of equal parts of red vodka (why the hell was the vodka coloured?), blue vodka and Lilt. If it doesn't sound bad enough already, you then have to factor in that it can only be drunk whilst spinning around.

3. Freshers
My Freshers' Week was fine, I was a good Fresher. Sure I woke up in some interesting places and poses, and did a few strange things, but I never forced any of the older students to join in. Since then though, the quality's just been going downhill - last year's lot were spiking my beer with vodka on that infamous trip to Manchester, and this years lot...well I assume last night was their fault somehow too. Bastards. I recall they had some pretty hardcore drinking games, and it probably didn't help that I showed up drunk..

4. Weston's Cider
So, back-tracking here, it wasn't just the drinking games with Freshers that have left me in my current, very fragile state, I was actually drunk yesterday from about the hours of 1pm till whenever I got to sleep. My team meeting involved lunch, lunch involved drinks and drinks consisted of some cider which was far, far stronger than I originally realised. Also some girls upstairs in the restaurant gave me a drink of something green and strong (you'd think I'd learn about taking drinks from strange girls)

5. Internet Explorer
Now, the one advantage which IE has over Firefox, for me, is that it is incapable of remembering that I'm logged into my Google account, and forces me to log in every single time. This is (was) great, because it meant that in moments when I am possessed by inebriety, I can't get on here and post retarded stuff. Clearly that somehow failed yesterday, so apologies for whatever garbled nonsense I was trying to write (pulled now).

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There, bitching's made me feel a little better, and I think you've got a decent idea of my Monday's activities. I didn't get around the mentioning the bit where I was in a hot-desking area in the London offices trying to pretend I could read what was on my laptop screen, and hoping the various high-level managers who were around didn't notice I was drunk. Oh, also forgot to mention; if you're my manager, please don't read this post.