Lemmings (and Mario)

Given that prospective employers may well read anything I put up here - and University faculty, colleagues, friends, family and strangely bored 'internet people' already do, I've been a bit loath to blog about a night out I had a week or so ago for Emma's birthday.

Tagged under 'a' for 'alcohol'

The theme, you see, was video game characters - but as I'd been planning to ditch her to go to a better party, I didn't have anything prepared. When I ran into the young lady in town, and she came up with some suggestions (Mario, Link, Sonic etc) - all of which were for non-Amiga games, I wasn't too keen on any of them - until she mentioned lemmings.

Bored of reading yet? Here's a picture. Woo picture.


_Mayhem!

Now, lemmings I love. I must have spent days, if not weeks of game-time in their little world, caring more for each lemming than I did for some relatives. Unfortunately, they're not very distinctive in their dress - taking up 50 pixels or so as they do. We opted for green hair and...blue. The blue, and you'll soon see why I was reluctant to post this - came in the form of some skintight tights and a £1 girl's top from Primark.

Yes, like many a night out, this had degenerated into cross-dressing in a matter of minutes.

Believe it or not, I've never actually worn tights before. It's always good to try new things, and I do like to share my experiences. As such, here are my top three tips about tights:

1. If you think they won't go up any further - pull more fabric from the infinite supply at the foot area. You'll see.


2. Unless you're a Geordie female, tights do not constitute a fully insulating thermal layer for your legs on a cold, cold night.


3. Tights are surprisingly comfortable and make your legs feel lovely. Now you'll always be looking at my trousers and wondering won't you...but you'll never know.

Ah, the list. Second only to the picture for breaking up a long stream of text. Speaking of which...


_{Why the hell is that floater out of line?}

We started the night in the Back Of Beyond, a Wetherspoon's pub, where we met some other video games characters. Despite this, for some bizarre reason, I appeared to be the only guy in the establishment wearing tights, which earned me some strange looks. Those strange looks were, however, easily deflected by virtue of stretching out my legs for some comfort - tights are a bit constricting on a guy.


_{Did Mario really wear a Mario Bros t-shirt?}

After we'd had a small tipple in that pub, we felt it would be a good idea to move on. This was partly because we wanted to go dancing, and partly because the countdown on the level was almost up and we didn't want to all blow raspberries and then blow up.

Almost there...

Unfortunately, it appears that alcohol has certain effects on the human body. It soon became further apparent that some of these are triggered when one steps out into the cold, cold air. For reasons that are no longer clear I was chasing Emma down the street, in my smooth-soled Blue Suede Shoes when I fell. Fortunately, I was fine, but the same can't be said of the young girl who rushed to my aid - believing me to be a damsel in distress.


_{Mario cops a feel}

I'll never forget - and regrettably, never recapture - the look on her face as she screeched, in a horrific violation of Diversity Policy - "You're a guy!". Priceless. The rest of the night in that classiest of joints, the Purple Turtle, was a disappointment by comparison.

Finally - I can't resist one last photograph of those lovely legs in an inappropriate position: