Bringing the game into disrepute

I've been watching the snooker recently (and no, not just to avoid revision), and although the standard of play is superb at times, and there've been some brilliant hour long tactical frames, I feel something is starting to lack in the sport nowadays.

I'd hope you'd agree with me that snooker, at its best, is a sport for gentlemen, despite the occasional yob you'll find playing it at a bowling complex. If you do agree with me on that though, note that you'll be disagreeing with England's last King, who stated that "A true gentleman shouldn't be able to get a break of above 25" - seems he might not have been too good at the game.

Can you imagine a snooker player turning up to a match in trainers? Or a member of the crowd shouting out anything other than "Jolly good shot" or "Poor luck sir"? No, of course not - the idea is nonsense, but unfortunately the sport is already on a slippery slope. Two of the worst culprits were in the semi-finals this year, starting with:

Mark Selby

He looks a perfectly innocent chap here, haircut maybe a bit too short but other than that, all fine. However, if you've been watching I'm sure you'll note, as I have, some outrageous character traits that should quite frankly cause him to be banned from the game. I have seen him no less than twice slam his cue against the floor in frustration, he's had red streaks put into his hair and he even failed to offer an apologetic smile to Ali Carter after a rather lucky pot. Despicable. However, even this man seems a perfect gentleman when compared to:

Stephen Maguire

This ruffian has strolled into every match at the Crucible this year...Not Wearing A Bow Tie. This unbelievable display of yobbery should surely result in his disqualification from all major snooker events worldwide, but slipping standards have allowed him to get away with it. That's about all I've got on him at the moment but, come on - no bow tie? Unbelievable. Then finally of course, there's this troublemaker:

Michaela Tabb

Now, with women being allowed to speak in public, and even vote, I thought that the feminists would be happy, give up their campaign and go back to the kitchen and start fulfilling their natural roles again. However, this was clearly not to be, and as such, the fine sport of snooker was forced to make a concession, and allow women to be present in a room whilst a game of snooker was underway. Naturally, having women in the audience was a little off-putting to gentlemen, and Sir. Roger Smithson Thompson-Blythe IV quit the game entirely after seeing a young brunette four rows back and missing a tricky safety.

This, I'm sure you'll agree though, is a step far too far - a woman refereeing at major snooker matches - political correctness gone mad. What next? Players allowed to wear unironed waistcoats? Drinks other than sherry and whiskey served at the bar? Spectators whispering to one another whilst a player takes a shot?

Hear me now, it's a slippery slope, and action must be taken before this fine sport becomes yet another tragic piece of fodder for the masses, with all the naked Top Gun towel-flicking that implies.

..also on that note, anyone else notice how Shaun Murphy, in one dressing room shot was giving another man, his 'friend', a very intimate hug, and in another dressing room shot, was covering up the camera with a towel? Mystery and intrigue abound at the Crucible this year.