How to make tea

A guide to life by David Watson (originally entitled 'My mug is ruined and now I have ulcers.')

Reposted here verbatim (with a few corrections), by kind permission of Mr. Watson, to work around Facebook's privacy settings, because it's just plain awesome and something that many, many people need to know.

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Stop, please, right there. It probably seems like a good time saving idea to just pour the milk in with the teabag whilst the kettle boils but its not. Just don't. It's bad enough that its already tainted with your Burberry perfume and under flavored because you cannot bring yourself to not fuss with it for 3 minutes. It ruins the sweet, amazing and beautiful gesture that is boiling dried leaves delicately flavored with blood, sweat and tears of our fellow, underpaid and overworked man. I'm sure you think that I'm being fussy here and a jackass but I don't give a shit because my anger pales in comparison to the sheer arcane rage of our lord and savior Jesus Christ. He died for your sins AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY HIM?


_{Hi, i'll have one venti black tea with water added to milk, a crazy straw and a severe gunshot wound to the lower gut please.}

Here is an idiots guide to making tea (because you are an idiot):

1) Put teabag in mug
2) DO NOT TOUCH THE MILK
3) Boil water
4) DO NOT TOUCH THE MILK
5) Add boiling water to the mug with the bag in it (hint boiling water isn't white and cold) and leave it there for a minute at the least. I know you can manage it, if you are a special snowflake then try for 3-5 minutes
6) DO NOT TOUCH THE MILK
7) Remove teabag (please if you do just one thing on this list then do this for fucks sake)
8) Put the milk in to taste and stir
9) Remove sugar from cupboard and throw as hard as possible out of the nearest window.

This tea should not taste like it was dispensed from the armpit of a sexually active pensioner so if it does then you've done something wrong, I suggest suicide.

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